Blog: Learning to Survive

This is a blog which hopes to connect survivors of childhood sexual abuse — to each other, to those who love them, to healing, to art, and to activism. Inevitably, it is also in part my own story.

in hope or in despair

The Flying Child’s recent blog post about arranging to see her abuser again — and what happened in that visit, in public — has stayed with me for several days. Over and over in these days, I replay the scene in which I did something similar: I went to go stay with my father —…

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on expecting disaster

[photo: Dan Meyers] I now realise that a good portion of my psyche, my everyday psyche, is always ready for anything, waiting for the worst to happen. This hypervigilance is one of the key indicators of (C)PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder), and it’s not at all unusual in survivors of Child Sexual Abuse or…

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the fear remains

I have not worn my wedding and engagement rings in a couple of weeks. They need adjusting (fat fingers!) and the jeweller suggested leaving them off for a while so we could identify the ‘true’ sizing. Fair enough. For the first week, all I felt was weirdly bare. But everyone who has worn something on…

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shame (part 2)

So. My post shame (part 1) tackled (somewhat) the pervasive and wholesale shame that Child Sexual Abuse survivors often battle. The kind of shame that constantly threatens to undermine you (me): I should have stopped it; I’m dirty and will always be dirty; everything I attempt will fail; I will never be happy because I’m…

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